


Faith

by zubanah



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 13:30:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zubanah/pseuds/zubanah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is set after ME3, when Shepard decided to destroy the Reapers. No one knows what happened to the best Commander in the galaxy, and someone isn't ready to get over this loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faith

2186, July. Vancouver. English Bay

It had been two month since the war was over, but Kaidan had lost the perception of the time. Every day was like the previous. He had come back to his parents' house in Vancouver, but he felt damn sick. Everything was lost, and that house was the only thing that the war didn't steal to him: his ship, his friends, his hope. Shepard.

The Normandy crew was rescued after a month from that garden type planet. Kaidan had thought that he'd have died on it. He hoped to die on it. Nothing or no one was waiting for him back on Earth, nothing would have been worth of coming back home. But he had no choice. Dying there, on a planet forgotten by everyone, wasn't a good idea. Definitely.

As soon as he stepped on their rescuing ship, Kaidan stopped to feel any emotion. Back on that planet, he had no time to think about anything: aiding survivors, helping Tali and Traynor to restabilish comunication. He didn't have time to sleep. Now he was out of duty and he couldn't help but think about what have happened. That damn war was over, and he was alone now. He barely heard Liara talking to him. He couldn't even cry, because he had no strength left in his body. He just managed to nod to whatever Liara was telling to him.

When he came to his house, it looked more empty than ever. His mom was still in his uncle's house, so he was alone. He turned off his terminal and locked the door to everyone. He wasn't going to let anybody see him anymore.

When he got up, it was night. When Kaidan looked to his watch, he realized he has slept for 2 days. He didn't want to do anything. The grief in his chest was too much to let him even eat or shower. Why? Why the hell this happened to him? Loosing once the man he loved wasn't enough? Kaidan never believed in God or in something superior like Ash, but now he started to think that some mysterious force was fighting against him. This time, no Cerberus or Miranda would have saved John again. He was desperate. Angry. He started to cry. He let a biotic explosion come out from his body, full of anger and grief. It was too late when he realized he was not strong enough to bare that effort, and he passed out.

_____

2186, August. Rannoch.

Tali couldn't believe what she was looking at. Rannoch. Her planet. She was at home. Finally. 

It was thank to Shepard if she could walk on its ground now. That thought made her almost cry. They won the war, but still she couldn't help thinking that they have lost the more precious person in the whole universe. But she was not so egoist. She couldn't just mourn. Her thoughts went soon to her friends. Liara... Joker... Vega... Garrus... and Kaidan. Keelah, Kaidan. How was he reacting to all this mess? 

She went to her terminal and called the only person she could ask for Kaidan.

“Hey. You're here.”

“Hey Garrus... how are things going on Palaven?”

“It's good. We're... rebuilding. It will take a little more time than expected, but I'm here for this. People always need me to... calibrate something.”

“I'm glad you're ok... I meant Palaven. Palaven is ok. By the way, I was just thinking about Kaidan. Do you know how is he handling this? I mean... Shepard...” She couldn't go on.

“I haven't seen him since the day we reached Earth.” Garrus said. “I'm concerned about him too. If I'd lose...” He broke the sentence and stopped talking for some second. “Tomorrow I'm taking the first shuttle to Earth. These things must be told by a real person, not by a hologram.”

“Thank you Garrus. For all.”

“Thamk you for calling, Tali. I...”

“I will wait for you.”

“I'll be there soon. Bye.”

“Bye. Keelah se'lai.”

_____

2186, August. Vancouver. 

Garrus hadn't been in Vancouver for a lot of time, but he still remembered where the Alliance facility was. He asked for Kaidan address and went to meet him. The door was locked.

“Kaidan. Hey Kaidan? It's Garrus.” 

No answer.

“Kaidan, for the Spirits, open this door! Tell me something!” He kept knocking on the door, but Kaidan didn't answer. 

“Fine. It's time to get in action.” Garrus said as he tapped something on his omnitool. A few second later the door exploded and he stepped in the house.

“Kaidan? Kaidan!” 

Garrus found his friend in the bathroom on the floor, pale-faced and terribly cold. Near to him a little bottle with some pills. 

“Oh Kaidan, what the hell have you done?”

 

_____

2168, August. Vancouver. Militar Hospital.

When Kaidan woke up all he could see was a bed, some medical stuff and a window. He was sure still in Vancouver, probably in a hospital. He didn't remember what has happened. His head was aching Why was he in a hospital room? 

“You're awake... finally.” a voice near him said.

“I... Garrus?” he said with a trembling voice.

“Yes. What were you thinking to get with that damned pills, eh?”

Kaidan was recalling what should have happened. 

“You...you'd better leave me there...”

“You're crazy, Kaidan! Listen... I know what-”

“How dare you? How can you just say that you know what I'm feeling?!”

“Kaidan, I-”

“Do you want to know, Garrus? I feel like my heart has been torn out my chest. Like I've no purpose in my life anymore. Do you still want me to go on?”

“Kaidan...” Garrus looked down on the floor. “I'm sorry.”

“You... you did the right thing. I didn't expect nothing less from you... You're Archangel, right?” Kaidan said with a little smile on his lips.

Garrus raised his head. “Let me know if you need something. Tali was concerned about you, you know?”

Kaidan didn't find the strenght enough to say these words. “Do you know if... if they have found his...”

“They didn't...far now. We aren't hopeless. Citadel hasn't been too damaged, and a lot of team are looking for... him.”

Kaidan closed his eyes, trying to not let that tear run down on his face. He couldn't bare to lose Shepard for the second time. He wasn't sure he wanted to know more.

“Thank you Garrus.”

“You're the welcome. I've to go now. I will come back.”

“Bye. Say “hello” to Tali from me.”

“You bet.”

 

_____

2186, October. Citadel.

“You'd better find him, or I will tear you apart!” 

“Yes, ma'am!”

Jack was furious. Those fucking Alliance biotics weren't too smart to even understand the importance of their work. Admiral Hackett had come to her in person to ask her for searching for Shepard on the Citadel. They were looking for every trace for six month by now. But she would not give up. She was the most powerful biotic in the whole universe. She never gave up.

Up on the Citadel central Tower was a fucking mess. She was using his anger to throw that lot of debris off. She was supposed to be a bit calmer, but... she just couldn't. She felt useless. Shepard had done a lot for her. And now she had the opportunity to return the favour. 

Even that fucking cheerleader... Miranda, came to help her. She said, “I'm here to help Shepard, we don't know in what condition he is.” Yes, you fucking bitch, just stay away from me. 

After another day spent in an eternal research, Jack sit down on what a time should have been a piece of ship. “Fuck it!”, she said as she kicked some debris.

In the same moment that piece of metal was flying out, she saw something shiny on the ground. What was that? It was covered by blood, but Jack was sure it was an armor piece. He watched on the ground again, and she saw an Alliance tag on the ground. She gathered that, blew removing the dust and read.

“Name: John Shepard.  
Rank: Commander.”

Her heart sank. It couldn't be.

“Ma'am!!” Someone yelled behind her. “We found him!”

 

_____

2186, October. Vancouver. English Bay.

A lot of time passed since that... accident. Kaidan had come back to his house, still alone. Sometimes Garrus or Tali showed up to his place to visit him. Even James did once. He was grateful to his friends. He knew he couldn't be the man he was a time anymore, but he was going to make things going better.

He decided to wait till Autumn for Shepard's funeral. It was his favourite season. When they decided to get together. Even if his body hadn't been found, he wanted to give him his last goodbye.

It was a beatiful day. Kaidan was sitting on the balcony, looking the sunset on the English Bay. The sky was orange and the street was covered by red leaves. You'd love this, John, he thought. While he was setting the last things for the funeral, someone knocked to his door.

_Who the hell is now?_ He said to himself. _Garrus is supposed to come tomorrow._

He opened the door and he saw Liara bent on her knees, a hand on her stomach and a frightening breathing rhytm.

“Liara!” Kaidan yelled. “What's happened?”

Liara couldn't even talk. “They... they...”

Kaidan led her on the couch and helped her to sit. He was concerned. “Liara.” he said. “Can you tell me what's happening, for God's sake?!”

Liara opened her mouth, out of breath. “They found him, Kaidan.” She said in one second. “They found Shepard!”


End file.
